Most people want a better life. Everything we do is in an effort to create experiences that we can enjoy, but our habits of thought and action seem to keep us stuck.
Nobody willingly, consciously creates difficulties for themselves, we all want happiness. Alas, it eludes us, mostly. Except for those few moments when we find ourselves in positive conditions such as being on holiday.
Not having to meet the demands of others, we wonder why we can’t have it like this all the time. Then we suggest to ourselves that a full life like this is impossible and we kill the idea straight away.
So we buy the books and the programs and go to seminars to learn the systems that promise the long lasting change we all crave, always seeking happiness at some point in the future, the future that never comes.
We work hard at forming new habits but nothing seems to stick. No matter how hard we try and no matter how many systems we employ or how much money we spend, we can never really get there, and we won’t unless we realise the fundamental principle, the one that most of us miss.
The Fundamental Principle
To fight the things we don’t want defines them, makes them clearer and more present. It makes them more profound for us. Less focus on the things we don’t want and more focus on the things we do want allows the things we don’t want disappear.
In creating the life we want, we must cultivate one habit that is the basis of Forming New Habits. This habit is the only habit we ever need to form. It is consciously deciding to focus on being happy and allowing nothing disturb it.
It’s all we need to do, but it doesn’t come easy when life and society has taught us to struggle against that which we don’t want. But we must do it because if we don’t then all we will have are things to struggle with.
I have come to understand from my own experience, that our life conditions are not pre-determined, we get to choose what we experience. We either choose consciously or unconsciously.
I like the idea that I can make my life as I wish, so I’ll stick with that. Even though others may believe differently given their own life experiences. The key thing to remember, for me at least, is that everyone is right given what their own life has shown them. However, we have the ability to change life circumstances, that’s a fact.
I believe it is the struggle to change things, the struggle with life circumstances that we’d rather not have, that bring us pain. If we could just take our focus off the difficulties then we could move on to better much quicker and easier.
Trying To Please Others
We must not make our happiness dependant receiving acceptance from others. When we believe that it is, we perpetuate our own unhappiness because we can not be true to ourselves while trying to meet the conditions others set.
In trying to please others we live outside ourselves. Trying to meet their conditions on us is exhausting and at it’s everyday ordinary level is just about tolerable, at it’s most acute, it brings severe depression.
Putting our personal happiness off until some point in the future, or when we receive kudos from loved ones, or bosses, or peers, or family is denial of our own happiness. Our happiness is our responsibility, no one else’s.
Acute depression is often the turning point in many people’s lives. It’s where we choose to check out, or allow our life turn around. It’s where the pain is too great to bear and can be the catalyst for positive change.
In the middle of all this change we find new power in realising we are responsible for our own lives, for our own happiness. We must, above all else, decide that nothing is more important to us than our own happiness.
Usually this takes a lot of work on ourselves. For most of us, including me, it doesn’t come easy, after all, we’ve spent all our lives to date practicing habits that we inherited. One could say we are created by environment rather than self created.
Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconcious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character. – Steven Covey
The work is important and brings great rewards. It is, as far as I am concerned, all we need to do. It simplifies everything! All we need to do is be happy! So here’s where the process comes in, here’s where the work is.
When we kind of want something, then not having it is bearable. Being sloppy in the maintenance of our own happiness is acceptable. The problem really comes for us when we really want it and we don’t do the work.
Really wanting something is good, it’s the starting point in creation. If we never really wanted anything then nothing would ever be produced in the Universe, let alone the world. Desire is the starting point of all creation, it is the centre of the torus, it is the zero point zone from which all things come.
Find the quiet. Make finding the quiet the first thing you do in your day and last thing you do before bed. This is your work. It is the preparation needed to allow you deal with all the stuff lives throws at you.
When you do, and after a while, you will see circumstances change. You will develop a lighter outlook, you will become calmer and more relaxed about things that used to bother you. You may even find yourself laughing at these things.
Realising peace, happiness and ease in your life is your birthright. Life was not meant to be difficult, it is us who make it difficult and we can turn it around too. Making personal happiness a habit should be your only goal, nothing else matters.